What It Really Means to Be a Leader (That No One Talks About)
Most leadership programmes teach you how to act like a leader.
How to hold 1:1s. How to give feedback. How to manage performance.
All useful. But surface level.
Because the real shift, the one no one talks about, is internal.
It’s not about what you do. It’s about who you’re becoming.
And that shift?
It’s uncomfortable, lonely, and powerful.
Just like going from player to head coach in sport, you’re not one of the team anymore.
You’re now the person responsible for shaping it.
The Hidden Cost of Stepping Up
Becoming a leader means letting go of things that made you feel successful.
You stop doing the work you were great at.
You stop being one of the gang.
You stop getting instant wins.
Instead, your job becomes about:
Designing the system, not operating inside it.
Seeing further ahead than the rest of the team.
Being OK with decisions no one sees or appreciates until later.
It’s lonely. It’s full of doubt.
But it’s the only way to lead at the next level.
What Most Leadership Training Misses
Most courses assume you're already in the right mindset.
But if you haven’t made peace with the shift from player to coach, then learning new tools won’t help.
You’ll keep jumping back into the weeds. You’ll keep saving the team instead of growing them.
Because you’re still acting like a player.
The Head Coach Test
Ask yourself:
Are you designing how the work gets done or still doing it?
Are you making space to think or constantly firefighting?
Are you trusted and respected or liked because you're hands-on?
True leadership isn’t just what you do.
It’s who you are when you’re not in the room.
Beyond the “Leader vs Boss” Cliché
This is also where the leader vs boss debate usually comes in.
You’ve seen the graphics, the boss barks orders from behind while the leader pulls from the front.
But in real businesses, it’s rarely that black and white.
The truth is: being a good leader does mean setting standards, making tough calls, and sometimes being unpopular.
It’s not about being soft.
It’s about being clear.
Leadership is about taking responsibility for the whole not just being liked by the parts.
We unpack this properly in our Leader vs Boss article, where we challenge the usual clichés and show you what leadership actually looks like when the stakes are real.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
In sport, the head coach never runs onto the pitch.
But in business, too many founders can’t resist picking up the ball.
The problem?
You can’t scale if you’re still playing.
You need to step up into the coach’s seat.
And that’s a whole new game.